Up and down like a see saw
Coast along with no real cause
Tranquilized by the scenery
Hypnotized so easily
Cash crops are down again
I only wish I had a real friend
Grass is growing in the backyard
Thinking clear is getting so hard
I used to dream about everything in colour
Now it seems it’s only black & white
I used to drive fast cars in the summer
Now everything I do
There’s nothing good to sing about
I’m going out tonight
Crowd surfing until daylight
Every day is the same. You know the feeling. Staying up late. Sleeping in. Drifting. Where has the stoke gone? The focus?
Has a month already gone past? I moved back to Vancouver to finish a project, the final one holding me back from graduating. One. Simple. Paper. A month later and I hardly seemed closer to the goal.
I partied. I got strepthroat. I kept partying. I got mono. I was so happy to move close to my friends from University again and yet I rarely saw them. The fall was one of the most beautiful I can remember and I biked aimlessly through the tree lined streets, full of leaves. Melancholy. The mono got worse. I became a recluse. It was lonely. I wasted hours, days seeking inspiration on the internet, watching YouTube videos of surfing in Indonesia, reading blogs of people wandering the planet, perpetual travellers, vagabonds. My mind was already over school. I wanted to travel, to escape so badly but this one stupid thing was holding me back.
I extended my rent for 2 more weeks. I was out of money and started living off my credit card. I didn’t finish the project. Moved in with Dad and slept on the floor. For a month. It was depressing. In that half conscious time as sleep sets in, I would look down from a distant vantage point and could see my life scrolling by, as if with a cursor…
But eventually, painfully, it got done. The shackles were removed. I knew what was next. Fuck the norm, fuck safety, fuck sticking around. Time to bring back the adventure, the joy and the excitement. I was free and needed to get some fresh air. It was time to close YouTube and see the world.